Abusing Protective Orders

What is a protective order?

It is a civil order from a judge. Its purpose is to provide an extra level of protection to people who have been abused, harrassed, or stalked. It accomplishes this by creating a criminal penalty for a violation of the order. Normally protective orders state that the defendant may not contact the petitioner either in person, by text, phone, or social media;

Who Can Get a Protective Order?

In most cases, the petitioner must either be a family member, in a relationship, or had been in a relationship. There is an exception for people that are none of the above, but a police report must have been filed giving evidence of harassment or stalking.

What Happens If the Abuser Violates the Protective Order?

The violation of a protective order may result in the respondent’s arrest for violation of the protective order. The first time is a misdemeanor and further abuses of the protective order are punishable by a felony. This means jail, or possible prison time for anyone who ignores a protective order.

How are protective orders abused?

Far too many times, husbands or wives will use protective orders to cause their spouse problems and potentially give them an advantage in a divorce, paternity, or child custody case. Over and over again, unscrupulous attorneys and devious clients file protective orders on allegations that are completely false. Worse they insight and entrap the other party into arguments and possibly fights just so they can use this tool.

Horrible Outcome

The unintended consequences are not trivial. First, the more this tool is falsely used for manipulation of family cases, the more it becomes watered down for people who really needs it. Second, real violence can occur when someone pushes another person too far. Intentionally prodding and pushing someone into an argument or a fight to gain an unfair advantage in a family case can be like pouring gasoline on a fire. Finally, to often children are added to protective orders to manipulate child custody disputes.

How do you protect yourself?

First of all, don’t fall for it. Keep your cool and just walk away. If there are false claims, hire an attorney that specializes in protective orders, who can help uncover the truth and has no fear when it comes to putting on a hearing and cross examining the petitioner. A good litigation attorney can shine a light on the lies and uncover the truth.

Author: Ciera N. Freeman

Boeheim Freeman Law - 918-884-7791

Child Custody - Battle or Balance?

What is “Best Interest of the Child”?

When you are involved in a child custody battle, whether it is from a divorce or a paternity case, it is a difficult to maintain a balance between your compassion, your fears, and your frustrations. Should you be aggressive? Should you crush the other parent? Should you be in total control, or should you be kind, caring, and compassionate towards the other parent? Believe it or not, there is a right answer. What is in the best interest of your child?

But, how do determine what that means? After years of experience doing child custody cases and working with children through that process, it became clear that children need four things:

• Unconditional Love

• Stability

• Safety

• Truth

Unconditional Love

Love without conditions. This means to love unselfishly. To care about their happiness first and being willing to do anything in order provide them happiness without expecting anything in return. In other words, unconditional love is given without expecting or even really caring if that love is reciprocated.

Stability

Order and continuity are essential to maintaining a child’s mental and emotional well-being. A stable environment provides a sense of constancy and predictability. Routine is an essential component of a child’s overall well-being. Although many adults perceive children as liking surprises and spontaneity, their enjoyment for the unpredictable emerges from a knowledge that they can and will return to a stable and reliable routine; something they can trust to be real and they can count on.

Safety

Stability feeds right into the issue of safety. Does the child feel safe and secure in their home and in their relationships. Are there strangers coming in and out of the house that make them feel afraid? Do the adults in the home behave unpredictably due to substance abuse or a lack good coping skills? Are disciplinary standards appropriate and consistent? Is conflict effectively dealt with in the household? Children are very sensitive to these dynamics and absorb everything around them. If the world around them is chaotic and perilous, their behavior will reflect that.

Truth

Kids don’t like to be lied to and most of the time they know when it’s happening. It is important for children to be able to trust their parents. Moreover, it is important that parents tell children the truth, so that they can learn healthy coping skills. Children learn from adults and it does not set a good precedent to teach them that it is acceptable to lie. If truth is a vague and optional concept it tends to undermine the love, stability, and safety that are so crucial to a child’s development and well-being.

Conclusion

It is important to find an aggressive and compassionate attorney who can help guide you. Make sure your attorney is thinking about the best interest of your child, and not just about their own wallet. The best Tulsa attorney will help to ensure everyone is working to create a solution that is in the best interest of your child, but is not afraid to fight when the other side can’t be rational.

Author: Lauren Stanley, MSt

Brought to you by Boeheim Freeman Law (918-884-7791)

Gestational Surrogacy Becomes Law

Oklahoma once again surprises many with HB 2468 authorizing gestational surrogacy. Gestational surrogacy is different from genetic surrogacy in that the surrogate is not genetically related to the child. The egg comes from a donor or the intended parent, not the surrogate. Fertilization takes place in vitro. This opens the door for male-male couples to have children.

The Governor signed this bill on May 24th and it went into effect immediately under the bills emergency clause. The statutory process provides for court approval of the agreement between the intended parent or parents and the surrogate. The bill is very specific about the requirement in order for a surrogate to qualify. There is a great deal of detail on the terms of contracts and the content necessary to be put in the petition seeking judicial approval.

If you have questions and want to investigate if this is right for you give us a call at 918-884-7791.

The Importance of Parents in a Child's Life

In reflection

As I reflect on the past year, it strikes me that one of our country’s greatest struggles is to provide the children of this world with positive role models. Parents are the first and arguably the most important role models any child can have. Whether it is a mother and father, two mothers, or two fathers; it is imperative to provide every child with the greatest opportunity to view and experience strength, wisdom, and compassion.

The Pain of Separation

Studies have shown that when parents are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence. Too often a child is separated from one or both of his or her parents. Illness, accident, or apathy prevents far too many children from enjoying the diversity and the breadth of knowledge that two parents can provide. One parent or grandparents may do a marvelously heroic job caring for a child, but parents are truly a blessing to a child’s development.

Anger’s Effect on Children

When parents decide that they are no longer compatible partners in life, the inevitable result is that the children will be marginalized. It is not intended, or desired, but it is a fact. Very seldom is there an amicable dissolution of a marriage. There is anger, frustration, and remorse that festers in the bowels of almost all divorce action. These emotions tend to be highlighted during the negotiation and litigation of child custody and visitation. Not only will these efforts limit one of the parent’s ability to contribute to his/her child’s growth, but it will also impact the perception that the child will have of each parent, permanently damaging their strongest role models.

Fight Compassionately

Each parent should fight for their children. They should fight with their last breath to insure that their child is provided the greatest opportunity to have complete and effective role models. We all want our child to say to themselves, “I hope to find someone that is strong, smart, and loving; like my mother/father.” This is why when you are going through a divorce that involves child custody and visitation, you must set aside the anger. You must set aside the frustration. You must set aside the remorse. You must be a better person for your children and demonstrate for them strength, wisdom, and compassion.

Author - Brian J. Boeheim, Partner at Boeheim Freeman Law